cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
