You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
