I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
