He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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