a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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