your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
