sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
