i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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