dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
