So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
