your room smells of hookers.
And success
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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