I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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