I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
