i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
