On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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