OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize