We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
