hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
