Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
