Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
