It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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