I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
