about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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