the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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