OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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