i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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