So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
