I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
