I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize