dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
