He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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