I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
