she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
