No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
