I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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