you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
