I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
