I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
