The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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