well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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