Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
