I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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