do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize
