problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
