Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
