he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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