The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
