had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
