btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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