I am puke
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
