The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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