If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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