Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
