I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize