the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
