Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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