and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
