Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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(716): View more from New York

you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

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(816): View more from Missouri

She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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(727): View more from Florida

there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.

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(630): View more from Illinois

he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.

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