I just cut my nipple shaving
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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