I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
