what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
