My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
