I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
