Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
