I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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