Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
