I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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