i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize