just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
